Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Avoiding the Unemployment Line (1997)

What do you do when you get your BA in Anthropology?  You get a job at a museum of course.  What do you do when your job gets cut?  You take the only open position you can get, which was for a goddamn security guard!  Here is the ID that I proudly wore around my neck during my time in purgatory.

Man, I loved working in the Archeology Department, being out in the field and teaching kids.  But when I lost the job and had to work security...I did everything I could to hide.  What do you think I did when high schoolers would come in and smoke pot in the stairwells?  No...I didn't ask for any, but I hid in the library and tried to make the day pass as fast as I could.

Ya know, museums aren't run by professors or PhDs.  They are run by exceedingly wealthy schmucks who love cheating on their spouses with all the other wealthy schmucks.  And I can't tell you how much monkey business went on.  The astronomer was shtupping the woman who ran membership.  The animal handlers were messing around with the curators.  Even the minimum-wage security guards were cheating on spouses with other security guards.  It was a friggin' orgy of sin.  And, like at any other office, everybody thought their illicit affairs were a secret!

I remember the prop/display dude...so full of himself...he would walk around with these goofy "peanut" golf putters and "brag" about how he made them for President Jimmy Carter.  What a loser.

I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there.